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You popped in my head last week. Hadn’t seen my Whingemate™  on TL for a while, I’ll drop him a tweet, see if he’s okay. We did like a good chat/moan about our ailments and pain, about the guilt we felt burdening our loved ones (and everyone else). We agreed we’d always have an ear for each other’s chronic pain offloading, give the others a break. You always had a kind word and patient ear for everyone. One of the good ones. Always a gentleman.

I say ‘I forgot’ many many times a day due to brain injury. But sometimes I say it and the ramifications make me feel sick to my stomach. I forgot Spencer. I forgot to tweet you, to check in on you. I’m so so sorry I forgot.

You were one of the first people I followed 10 years ago. You know how you can feel warmth of a person through a screen without even realising it? You’re drawn to them. I think I came across you via Kelly (@BigFashionista) and your blogs. All those years ago. They were good blogs too.

Recently you asked if I’d write a blog about my darkest moments. That are now hopefully behind me. And I said no, Sophie reads them, she’s in middle of GSCEs, its not the right time. Oh how I wished I’d written it now, for you if nobody else. Would it have made any difference if you’d read it? To know the living hell/torture in your head wouldn’t always be like this – it can and will change & I’m proof? Probably not. But I wish I’d known exactly how bad your inner turmoil was. Brave face wasn’t it. Brave face & help/enquire after others instead.

My heart goes out to Katy and your children. Cannot begin to imagine their pain and devastation.

I’ll miss you Whingemate. Gone but not forgotten. Rest in Peace Spencer  x


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